Calling the call centre: Indian Express, 8th August 2007

They wish you a nice day... right after destroying every prospect of it


Hi-Tech banks claim that transactions carried out at a branch cost Rs 50. At an ATM, they come down to Rs 15, if they are through a call centre, they cost Rs 10, and it’s just Rs 2-4 if they are done on the internet. That is why customers are ‘encouraged’ to opt for cheaper modes.
Now call centres may sound like a good idea, but watch how they change your life — and mood. If the bank has a jingle, you are welcomed with a song. You are then provided with nine single-digit numbers corresponding to nine different banking options. If you forget what they stand for, you will have to wait for them to be replayed. You yearn for a human being on the other side, but that option is not easy to access. You start with choosing a language. Then you are asked to key in your 16-digit credit/debit card number. You do not have it on you so you either disconnect and try again or yell to someone to get you your card. You may be asked to key in your date of birth too, but before you get around to it, you are thanked for using the facility — the call is dropped.
You ring up again, go through the same process and this time manage to get through to the call centre staff. While the call is being transferred, you are politely told that your call is important and that someone will serve you “as soon as possible”. The jingle is supposed to keep you tuned in but makes you want to tear your hair out. Finally Rita, Vishal or Vinamra comes on the line and asks you to identify yourself. They will ask you for your address — and you better reel it off as it was typed in your particulars or else your call won’t be entertained. Your mother’s name will then be asked. What is the credit limit? What is the expiry date? When, and if, you finally break the barrier, you pose your question.
But your agony does not end there. If you are a ‘privileged’ customer you are transferred to a special division where the interrogation begins again. If you are lucky, your query gets answered at this stage. Otherwise, you are told that the system is down and that you will have to call back. Or you are told that you will get a response in four days’ time. Never mind if the call is about a lost credit card or something as urgent; the “four-days” answer is universal. Then comes the icing on the cake: “Sir/madam, is there anything else I can do for you? Have a nice day.”
But how can you have a nice day when your question has still not been answered? It makes you feel almost nostalgic for the days when you stood in the sweaty queue of your neighbourhood bank and waited for the person behind the counter to finish his cup of tea!